What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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