What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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