What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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