What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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