What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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