What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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