What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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