What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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