What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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