What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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