What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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