What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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