What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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