What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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