What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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