What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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