What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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