What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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