What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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