What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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