What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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