What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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