What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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