What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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