What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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