What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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