What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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