What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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