What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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