What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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