What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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