What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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