What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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