What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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