What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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