What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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