What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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