What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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