What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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