What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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