What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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