What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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