What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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