What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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