What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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