What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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