What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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