What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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