What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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