What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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