What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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