What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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