What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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