What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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