What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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