What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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