What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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