What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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