What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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