What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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