What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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