What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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