What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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