What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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