What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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