What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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