What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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