What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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