What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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