What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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