What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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