What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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