What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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