What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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