What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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