What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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