What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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