What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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