What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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