What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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