What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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