What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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