What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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