What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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