What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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