What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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