What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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