What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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