What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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