What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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