What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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