What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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