What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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