What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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