What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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