What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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