What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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