What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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