What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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