What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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