What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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