What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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