What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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