What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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