What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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