What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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