What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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