What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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