What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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