What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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