What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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