What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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