What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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