What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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