What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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