What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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