What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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