What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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