What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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