What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Who makes the best cake on a baseball team?

The batter.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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