What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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