What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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