What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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