What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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