What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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