What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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