What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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