What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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