What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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