What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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