What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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