What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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