What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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