What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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