What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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