What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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