What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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