What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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