What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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