What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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