What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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