What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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