What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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