What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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