What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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