What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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