What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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