What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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