What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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