What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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