What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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