What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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