What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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