What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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