What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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