What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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