What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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