What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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