What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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