What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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