What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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