What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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