What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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