What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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