What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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