What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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