What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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