What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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