What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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