What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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