What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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