What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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