What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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