What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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