What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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