What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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