What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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