What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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