What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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