What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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