What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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