What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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