What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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