What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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