What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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