What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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