What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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