What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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