What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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