What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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