What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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