What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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