What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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