What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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