What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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