What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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