What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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